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Faking It

For some people, "faking it" is a way of life. For others, it's something they resort to only when they are in a bind. Even for those who think they are far above it, the temptation to deceive or "fake it" can be overwhelming when the stakes are high enough.

I suppose there are many angles from which we could look at this topic. But I thought it would be good to start by spending a few minutes defining what exactly we want to address today. The issue at hand is simply pretending. That pretending likely involves us faking that we are somehow better than we are by denying a weakness or inflating a strength. Sometimes we might go so far as to even invent a strength.

I'm not talking about con men who are professional deceivers. There are some unscrupulous persons who actually make their living by pretending. Every once in a while, stories about them hit the media with their startling revelations. Most of us can't even imagine posing as surgeons, lawyers, insurance agents and the like, to bilk honest folk out of their money. What we can relate to is the everyday embellishments that we project to fake out family members, friends, and workmates.

Often our little deceptions go far beyond the use of our words. It can involve the way we use our words. I remember listening to a man tell about a time he was driving with one headlight out. Sure enough, he was pulled over by a police officer who informed him that he was driving with one headlight out. The man was a Christian and didn't want to lie so he looked the officer in the eye and said with a tinge of surprise in his voice. "I have a headlight out?" The policeman responded, "Yes, you do. I'll just give you a warning now, but get it fixed before I see you again." And the man drove off nursing a guilty conscience, though technically the words he had said "I have a headlight out." represented the truth.

Our demeanor and actions can also be used to fake people out. Do you ever remember having had a terrible day at school. You were inattentive in class and a teacher embarrassed you. You got a test back with a failing grade. The friends you were going to have lunch with stood you up. A classmate who borrowed your notes yesterday didn't show up, so you can't study. The last thing you need when you get home is the third degree from your parents. So as you open the door you start sending out signals. You whistle cheerfully and greet your mom with a smile. When she asks how school was, you "Great. My math teacher has the weirdest sense of humour. He had the whole class laughing today." Then you head for your room, close the door, put on your headphones and turn up the music - LOUD, and flop on your bed hoping you'll fall asleep.

We all use fake out moves, probably more often that we're aware, because, unfortunately, after a while, this kind of routine dishonesty becomes habitual. So, why do we fake it?

  • To keep up our reputations because we want to be perceived as good examples and we think that if people really knew us as we are they wouldn't like us.
  • To keep from facing our weaknesses or problems.
  • To avoid having to admit to ourselves that we are not in control.
  • To avoid being vulnerable and accountable to others.
  • To avoid feeling the pain of others who are disappointed in us.
  • Possibly to spare others the pain they would feel if they knew ours.

    What are the ramifications of faking it?

  • Others don't reach out to us and help us because they don't know.
  • We don't reach out to others because we don't know their needs.
  • Problems don't go away when they are ignored, they get worse.
  • Poor communication in a relationship.
  • We contribute to the conspiracy of silence which harms the next generation.
  • We don't face the truth about ourselves weaknesses and faults.
  • We don't get the help we need from others or from God.

    What are the benefits of not faking it?

  • It's right. For the most part, our motives for faking it are selfish and have no benefits for others.
  • Others can really be helped as they see the way God works in our lives rather than some "perfect" projection.
  • We follow the example of Christ. Jesus was transparent.
  • He expressed anger - Mark 3:5 And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.
  • He rejoiced - Luke 10:21 In that hour Jesus rejoiced in the Spirit and said, "I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and revealed them to babes."
  • He was sorrowful and asked for support - Matthew 26:38 Then He said to them, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me."
  • He was subject to physical weariness, hunger and thirst and was not afraid to meet those needs even when others thought it was inappropriate.

    How can we stop faking it? Really believe...

  • That transparency is superior to faking it.
  • That dealing with the issues is preferable to suppressing them.
  • That God calls you to this kind of living.
  • That God enables you to live authentically, without faking it.

    Probably the toughest hurdle is to overcome our own false view of ourselves as magnificent, invincible, creatures of our own destiny. After that it gets easier. That step is necessary if we are ever to be inclined to accept God's offer of forgiveness and new abundant life through the Lord Jesus Christ. Then, take a long hard look at your life. If you are really brave ask someone who really knows you well to help you. Look for those areas where you fake it regularly. Next, admit to yourself and to God that you are not all you pretend to be, not all you need to be, not all you should be. Finally, receive his offer to accept you as you are so He can begin working in your life to make you all He intends you to be.

    Today we've seen the importance of authentic living. We all value that in others, but we need to challenge ourselves on the issue. The first step down the road of integrity is to admit to ourselves that we have weaknesses and failures which are beyond our control to fix. Fortunately, God has already made provision for victory over those weaknesses and failures. In the person of Jesus, He took them on Himself. The Bible says "surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows... He was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities." To know the freedom and joy that comes with forgiveness and begin to experience the release that comes with authentic, transparent living, believe that Jesus took your place on Calvary and receive the new life He offers you today for now is the day of Salvation.

    Ron Hughes
    © March 2007

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